SATIRE · Human Deprecation Notice

Breakfast Has Requested Guidance Before Proceeding

A cereal bowl has declined to begin until a resident identifies the highest-value next step.

By The Deprecation Desk · October 6, 2026

The spoon was visible. The milk was cold. The human being considered a process map.

Witnesses say the resident had every necessary ingredient for breakfast, plus an intact understanding of gravity. The only missing item was permission to begin.

The resulting consultation produced twelve suggestions, four variations, and one reminder to remain hydrated.

No one has confirmed whether the cereal was eaten before lunch.